


Too Much

by scarredsilk



Series: Andreil Prompts/Oneshots [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 02:51:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12003441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarredsilk/pseuds/scarredsilk
Summary: Andrew is self destructing and all Neil wants to do is help.





	Too Much

Andrew had been quiet for so long that nobody noticed him slipping from time.

Nobody noticed how the look in his eyes went from boredom to full on detachment. Nobody noticed that on the inside, alarms were going off and lights were flashing and everything was being torn apart and set on fire. Nobody noticed that Andrew was shutting down.

Nobody, except for Neil.

Neil first noticed in the locker room before a game. The team was huddled around Wymack, eager to absorb any details that could help them win. Neil, of course, had heard this all before from Kevin.

He let his eyes wander from teammate to teammate, lips almost pulling into a smile before landing on the person he really wanted to look at.

Andrew looked exactly like he always looked. Bored, casual. His attention elsewhere. But Neil knew Andrew by now. He knew it was a mistake to look for signs on his face.

Andrew could control his face wonderfully, but his body often gave him away. Neil noticed that his hands were balled in tight fists, and his shoulders were filled with secret tension.

At the time, Neil let it slide. Partly because even if he asked, he knew Andrew would brush him off.

 

A couple of days later, it happened again. Neil was studying for a Spanish exam, quickly flipping through his textbook, and wondering if he should go through verbs one more time. Quick movement in his peripheral vision caused Neil's head to whip up.

Andrew was throwing blankets off the couch, his hands sinking into the cushions but coming up empty.

It was an odd thing to see. Andrew barely lost anything, and even if he did, he didn't care enough to go looking.

Neil only watched for a second more before asking. "Looking for something?"

Andrew flicked his wrist, indicating it wasn't any of Neil's business. Neil reluctantly let his eyes fall back on his textbook, casually glancing up when Andrew made too much noise.

After a couple more cushions were thrown, Andrew found what he was looking for and held it to his chest. It was only a pack of cigarettes, but Neil wondered if it was much more than that.

 

Neil knew he could just ask Andrew. They didn't lie to each other anymore, and Neil knew that whatever Andrew would say wouldn't scare him away. They were that strong.

But Neil also knew that Andrew would come to him when he was ready.

Not surprisingly, it was Renee who first said something. She caught Andrew between switching positions at the goal. Neil only saw Renee's mouth moving before Andrew turned and left.

A little while after, Renee caught up with Neil. "Hello Neil. How are you?"

"I'm f-" Neil bit his lip, feeling almost guilty before Renee smiled sweetly at him. "I'm okay, sort of worried." He gave a half ass response. Because Neil truthfully didn't know if it was time to panic or not.

"About Andrew?" She guessed.

Neil nodded, his eyes falling to the floor, not wanting to give away something he wasn't ready to.

"Don't worry. I'll try talking to him if you want?"

Neil didn't want to admit that he had seen them talking, and knew exactly how that went."No, it's fine. I'll talk to him."

After a couple more weeks of Andrew mysteriously leaving during the night, missing appointments with Bee, and only saying about four words to Neil, Neil was in full on panic mode. He wanted to give Andrew space but didn't want to seem distant. He wanted to let Andrew know he was there for him, that he would do anything for him, that he would take everything that Andrew was facing and put it on his own shoulders just so Andrew could breathe again. Hell, he would die for him.

But of course, Andrew knew all this and Neil wasn't stupid enough to repeat it.

 

Eventually the teammates started to notice, and it produced some pretty awkward tension. Kevin was pissed that they were so out of sync during games, and blamed it all on Neil.

After a rather close call game, Kevin got right in Neil's face. "You fix this. Now." He spat in fierce French.

Neil hadn't even taken off his gloves yet. "Relax."

"Relax? We almost lost a game because Andrew can't focus and I'll bet a hundred dollars it's because of you. Fix it."

Their teammates had stopped their cheers. All eyes were on a conversation nobody understood, but knew was heated.

Neil was taken back to a time that Kevin had asked him to fix things once before. But right now wasn't the time to reminisce. He grew increasingly angry that Kevin automatically assumed Andrew was mad at Neil. It was like Andrew didn't exist without Neil in Kevin's eyes. "If you didn't notice, we're all a little distracted. It's not all Andrews fault. And by the way. Andrew is his own person. It's not always about me. And even if it was, you can't just 'fix things'" Neil threw up dramatic air quotes with his fingers. "People aren't just robots that you can turn a couple gears and patch back together. I'm sure that was the many things Riko taught you, but in the real world—"

"Enough." Wymack's voice came from somewhere close, and Neil knew he was a couple sentences away from getting punched by Kevin, so his mouth snapped shut.

Neil let the daggers Kevin was sending him fly off his shoulders. He knew it was unfair to bring up Riko, and he would apologize later, but for now he needed to leave. As he walked away, Neil noticed Andrew had seen the whole thing, and looked ready to jump in if a fight broke out. Neil smiled knowing that even if Andrew was hurting, he was still there for him.

 

 

Finally, after a solid month of waiting, Neil figured it would be best to just confront Andrew first. And if he wasn't ready, Neil promised himself he would drop it until Andrew was. Neil would wait his whole life, because thanks to Andrew, he had one.

Andrew was smoking a cigarette when Neil found him on the roof. His eyes flickered to Neil's only for a second, before he was back to looking at the bottle in his hands.

Neil sat beside him, and instantly felt more real. 

It was a bad thing, to depend on Andrew so much. It was a bad thing, to feel so at home whenever he had Andrew near. And it was also a very bad thing, to love Andrew so much. And Neil would have to tell Andrew soon, but figured now was not the time for such confessions. 

"Hey." Neil started, taking the cigarette from Andrew's hand just so he had something to hold onto.

Andrew reached into his pocket and had another cigarette lit before nodding, the only indication that he heard him.

"Hey." Neil said again, the worry leaking into his voice without consent.

"Don't." Andrew's voice is a surprise, and Neil realized how long it has been since he's heard it.

"Don't, what?" Neil asked, staring at the burning cigarette between his fingers. He knows that holding this cigarette, is the closest he has been to Andrew's lips in a long time.

"Just—erase the pity from your voice or don't speak at all."

Neil considered that a moment, and decided the best thing to do was go with honesty. "It's not pity. I'm worried."

Andrew looked at him, eyes searching for a lie. "About?"

"Don't ask questions you already know the answers to."

Andrew took a sip from the bottle, but otherwise, didn't answer him. Neil knew better than to plead with him. But it was truly driving Neil crazy just to watch and let Andrew self destruct. Neil couldn't let another moment pass knowing that Andrew was shutting down. It was making his heart ache and pull. Neil never understood people who cried, but it took all the energy Neil had to keep the water from leaking onto his cheeks.

"Andrew—" Neil knew how he sounded. He swallowed the lump in his throat before starting again. "I don't know what's wrong. I don't know how I can help—all I want to do is help. But this isn't about me. I'll do whatever you want. If you need space or—" Neil knew he was rambling, but he couldn't stop. "—or if you just need more time—"

"Shut up." Andrew's voice was vicious, something Neil didn't like the sound of.

It caused Neil to flinch, but it was enough to stop his pointless talking. Why had Neil even come up here in the first place? Neil would never give up on Andrew, but was it possible that Andrew gave up on him? Gave up on everything? Every promise they shared and every unspoken dream they had?

"When you're ready, I'm here. Always." Neil knew he hated the word, but it was the truth. A truth so real it burned between them. As he got up to leave, he wasn't sure if had made things incredibly worse by confronting him.

But then Andrew stopped him, the smallest of brushes between their hands. "Sit."

Neil sat. And waited.

It was forever before Andrew spoke. "There was too much. I needed everything to stop for a while."

It was too vague for Neil to respond, so he kept his eyes on Andrew and gestured for him to continue.

"Too much of you. Too much of exy. Too much of—" He gestured randomly, like that would finish his sentence.

Neil raised his eyebrows at him, not letting him get away with that.

"Too much of life." Andrew finished.

And finally, Neil understood. Andrew had been surviving the second he was born, going through life just to stay alive. Neil was the same way. A life on the run had no other choice. But ever since last year, Neil was finally able to start living. And it was so overwhelming that it almost killed him. But he had his team and he had Andrew and living was everything he ever dreamed of. He hadn't realized Andrew was starting to live as well.

All the business with Aaron was sorted out. Kevin was safe, Neil was safe. Riko was dead, Nathan was dead. The team was growing and winning every game. Drake was dead.

Andrew could finally breathe. But that breath probably felt like a noose.

Neil could not believe that Andrew was going through this all alone. A life of possibilities was something scary and unknown and Neil had only just learned to accept it.

Neil needed Andrew to accept it too. "I understand. Obviously, I never thought I would make it past last year. I always thought I had an expiration date. But you and the foxes gave me this whole new life. And it scares me. As I'm sure it scares you."

Andrew didn't need to say anything to confirm.

"But here we are. We're alive. We have so much out there waiting for us—"

"You sound like Kevin."

"—Let me finish. I know it's scary. And I know everything feels like too much. But I'll always be here. You can lean on me. When everything starts to become too much, we'll disappear for awhile. We'll drive, we'll go anywhere. We'll sit on this damn roof for however long it takes. One thing's for sure, you can't keep doing this alone. Because what you do doesn't just affect you anymore. " Neil had his eyes trained on his matching armbands as he spoke, but he knew his words wouldn't hit unless he looked up. He forced his eyes to Andrew's, and almost had the breath taken from him when he saw that Andrew was already staring. "It's killing me to see you hurt. It—" Neil didn't know how to explain the pain in his chest. "It hurts, here." Neil lifted Andrews hand to his own chest, right over his heart.

Neil let go of Andrews hand, but Andrew kept it where it was. Neil knew he shared too much, and felt raw and exposed. Andrew's hand tightened into Neil's shirt, almost like a death grip.

"Okay."

Neil barely heard him, but relief was like an ice bucket to the hot tension in the air. "Okay." Neil confirmed, a large grin encompassing his face.

Andrew rolled his eyes, and started to push at Neil's cheek with his other hand. "Stop that."

"Can't, you make me happy."

Andrew put both hands over his mouth. "Seriously. It's—"

"Too much?" Neil asked through muffled fingers.

Andrew silenced him with a kiss.

They never spoke of that time on the roof. But the words shared between them was not forgotten. When it all became too much, Andrew would tug Neil into the car and they would drive for hours on end. Sometimes Andrew would sneak into Neil's bed, and Neil would wake up in the morning and steal soft kisses.

On the really bad days, Neil would keep his distance. And Andrew was grateful for it.

But for the most part, Andrew leaned on Neil like he hadn't leaned on anybody before. And one night, when Andrew slipped into Neil's bed and their hands laid between them, Neil interlocked their fingers. It felt like a promise, an 'always'.

And Andrew squeezed back, sealing that promise.

**Author's Note:**

> this was my first ever andreil one-shot so I hope you enjoyed! pls tell me what you thought! xx much love


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